Down but not Out

This has been a difficult time for my family. My husband is in his 3rd month of unemployment. I see friends and family all around me who have been out of work for months, years....it's frustrating. I have good days and bad days when it comes to my attitude about everything. I hate that I am swayed by my emotions. I want to be steady, confident that God has everything under control and not be anxious. On the one hand...I know that God is good, he has a good plan for our lives, he has proven faithful in the past and he will continue to be faithful. On the other hand...I want to stomp my foot like an indignant child and demand that God do it MY way and NOW! Money wasn't overwhelmingly abundant before my husband was laid off, but if the car broke down, we had money in savings to handle it. If we wanted to go on a short vacation, we could. Every month, bills were paid easily, debt was going down, money was safely tucked into savings. I had started working part-time and for the first time in our marriage money was finally not such an issue.

Then the day came, April 1st of all dates, that everything changed. We've been down this road before... loss of a job, but this time it seems more difficult.

So, I have a choice to make...daily, sometimes minute by minute. I can praise Him in the storm and trust, or succumb to anxiety and worry. I feel weak. I keep turning to my Bible...what else can I do? I read familiar passages that bring me comfort and I look over the notes I've written in the margins. I'm looking for that peace that passes all understanding, that unwavering calmness at the core of my being that acts like a well for me to draw from when my thoughts and attitudes start to turn south. I want to learn to abide in him, to meditate. Not a new age kind of meditation......an inward preoccupation with God's word.
I tried meditating on one phrase the other day. It came from Psalm 9:9b "A stronghold in times of trouble." I began thinking about what I had been leaning on as my stronghold. Well, whatever it was, it's gone now. My true stronghold, that doesn't disappear in times of trouble, is my Lord.
Thing is.... I KNOW that in my head, but in my heart.....well, I need to work on that some more.

I turned 40 this year. If I live to be in my 80's, I'm about 1/2 way home. When I was in my 20's I thought I'd be much wiser at 40 than I feel I am. Oh, I've learned many lessons, but I'm sometimes humbled to realize how many more lessons I've yet to learn. I'm also frustrated by how many lessons I have to relearn over and over and over again.

1 Peter 5:6-7 says "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because he cares for you." I read that this morning. The "mighty hand of God" kept running through my mind. At first it seemed oppressive, like this giant hand was pushing down on little me. But God gives me freedom, not oppression. Then I began seeing his mighty hand as a source of strength and security. Do you remember being a little girl, or boy, and just playing and running through the grass with not a care in the world? Getting lost in your imagination with no worries of how you will eat or have clean clothes to wear or have a home to live in? Even though things were tough financially for my family growing up, my parents always took care of me. I had no need to worry. A blissful, worry free life. How much more does my heavenly father want to provide that same security and freedom to me as an adult! It's like He keeps telling me, "It's ok Stacey, I've got this!" but I have to humble myself and get out of his way. Kinda like in a ballgame when 3 outfielders go for the pop up ball but one of them "calls it" and the other two back off. God called it, I need to back off. He's a much better ball player than I am :)

Random Thoughts

So, I have a couple of friends that have asked me, via Facebook, when I'm going to Blog again. So this is for you! I hesitate to blog, because I'm not sure I have anything worth saying. At least nothing especially profound. Or I'm afraid that I'll be a bit too open and say more than I should.
Oh, well -here goes.
I have had many things on my mind, so I'll try to stick with some topics.
Let's see....
Parenting:
My older two are in middle school, I've mentioned that before I'm sure. Kids can be so mean. I'm truly mystified at just how mean. I mean REALLY mean. Vicious, seek you out to hurt you, mean. It takes a lot of effort for me and my hubby to counteract all the garbage our kids are met with on a daily basis. I'm fighting for their self-esteem ALL the time. It's really draining. On the bright side though - they are learning some hard lessons about being IN the world, not OF the world. They are beginning to see the reality of God's ways not being the world's ways. I'm proud of them really. They have good head's on their shoulders and although it's tough - they are going to be great adults some day.
Politics:
Oooo, there's a hot topic. I confess I am not very educated on politics. But I will say that I do not agree with our current president and the choices he is making. He seems to be agressively seeking to undo all that Bush did, more out of thumbing his nose at Conservatives and showing his powerful "changes" that he promised on the campaign trail than out of what is truly best for our country. I don't like him, I don't trust him. But I will pray for him and respect him.
Christianity:
In my personal walk lately, I am finding that prayer is taking center stage. My church is going through a special series that challenges our assumptions about Jesus and Christianity. I'm enjoying the experience. I wish I was better at apologetics. I wish I could explain to the sceptics in my life the validity of scripture, the reality of a REAL God who is intimately involved in my life, and help them to see that a rational human being CAN believe in Jesus. I'm overwhelmed, again, at the grace God bestows on us.
Work:
I really enjoy my job. I plan meetings all day. I love to plan. I'm busy, the day goes fast. Some of the people I'm planning meetings for have told me how much they appreciate me and that makes my day. I like and respect the people I work with too. We laugh and work well as a team. I'm learning more and more every day.
Extra Curriculars:
I'm heavily involved in CubScouts and though I like it, it's just too much. I've told the committee that I am stepping down as Committee Chair at the end of the year and I'll admit it's a hard thing to do. I did however agree to be on the board of the HOA for our neighborhood and plan a block party. But it's a one time event and not much of a time commitment. I'd really like to go back to school and work on my Masters. I'd like a Masters in Hospitality Management. I can only see myself taking one class at a time, but that's ok. I'm not in a huge hurry. Then there's church - teaching Sunday School twice a month, serving communion, prayer group, etc. I really am busy. I don't like not being busy, but I'm trying to find a balance. Always searching for the perfect balance.
So - that's a few things on my mind. At least that I'm willing to share for now!
God Bless!

I'm tired today. I'm sore from YOGA last night and just overall wiped out! I hate that feeling. The world doesn't stop for me to be tired. There's still so much to do. Dishes, pick up kids, drop off kids, laundry, dinner, etc. I just wanta go to sleep!

On a positive note - I'm really enjoying my new job. Today was my 8th day. I'm learning a lot and finding that my long ago days of working in hotels in sales and catering is helping me now. Old terms and ways of doing things are coming back to me. It's been wonderful to see that I'm where I really want to be. This is what I'm good at, what makes me tick, what will get me to want to go to work each day. I'm so thankful!

Last night I lead a CubScout Tiger Den Meeting. If you aren't familiar with CubScouts, the Tigers are first graders. They are so much fun! So cute and fun to joke around with. I really enjoy working with them. At this age, the parents stay with their sons during meetings, so it's been great getting to know the families and having all that help in the meetings! I can tell the boys are getting more and more used to me. They aren't quite as quiet and reserved as they were the first few times we met. Now their personalities are showing and it's great to see.

As a follow up to an earlier post about my son getting bullied. The Assistant Principal followed through and the bully was confronted and disciplined. Much to my son's relief. I can tell that the Assistant Principal and my kid's teacher are still looking out for my son, and daughter, because they have put an end to another incident that resulted in the offender getting Saturday detention. He was poking them (my kids) in the chest and calling them "gay". The teacher immediately sent the bully to the office and he was quickly dealt with. I still wish this stuff didn't go on, but I'm glad that the administration is doing what they can.

I have to say a few words about my hubby. He has really changed, for the better, over the past year or so. He is much more involved with my kids and lately has been reading the "Love Dare" book that was highlighted in the Fireproof movie and has been really much more attentive to me. Can't complain about that! I really have a wonderful husband. He isn't perfect, none of us are, but he truly tries to keep me and our family a priority. It isn't easy, he has a lot of pressure at work and it's hard to come home and switch gears and not just zone in front of the TV. He helps get the kids to activities, make sure everyone is doing homework or chores, teaches them things like how to change the oil, mow the lawn, etc. He'll even forgo a favorite show to play Scrabble! What a guy! I love him and am so very blessed to have him in my life!

Well, I'll end this post now, since I've gotta go pick up kids! Blessings to all!

It's time for a Change

Well, today has been a life changing day. It was my last day at my part-time job as a Legal Secretary. I will be starting a new job on Monday as a Meeting Coordinator. It will be more hours and more pay - yipee!! It is bittersweet though because I truly like my old boss. She allowed me to be a mom first and over this past year of going back to work for the first time in 12 years, I needed that flexibility. I will miss her and the positive work environment she provided for me. However, I have wanted to work in the Corporate Meeting Planner field for several years. I've been volunteering through CubScouts and other organizations for the past 5 or so years as basically an event planner and coordinator. I love doing it and I believe I am gifted with the skills to do it well. I've wanted to move those skills into the Corporate Market and now I finally can! I will be starting off just shy of full time, which is fine for me. I can train and learn as I go and hopefully be promoted to a Meeting Planner in the next few years.
It's strange though, I feel sort of numb about it all. When I spoke to my former boss about the job and offered to give notice, she felt it wasn't necessary. So my leaving felt abrupt. Even though I knew this job offer was going to come for some time now (although I thought it would be fewer hours which would not necessitate me leaving my Legal Secretary job), I still was taken off guard a little. So I guess I'm just a little sad about leaving one job because of the positive experience, but happy to be starting a new job in my chosen career field.
Getting this new job was a total God thing. It really shouldn't have happened, so I know God was behind it. It all started last summer, I was working for this same company on a temporary assignment, just about 8 hours a week. Nothing much, but the woman training me and I got along really well. I told her one day that I was seriously considering going back to school to get an MBA in Hospitality Management. I told her that I would like to talk to someone in the Corporate Meeting field to give me advice on whether or not that was the best thing to do. I wanted to put myself into a position where my resume would not be discarded, but given serious consideration, if I were to apply for a Meeting Planner job for a company. She recommended someone there that I could talk to and introduced me. Which is exactly what I needed. I knew already that I should talk to this person, but I didn't want to just walk into their office one day for a chat. So with the introduction, I was able to speak to this person and get very solid advice. Then this person recommended I speak to the head of the Meeting Planning Department which was more closely related to what I wanted to do. So, that lead to another introduction of sorts. After talking with the head of the department and getting more good advice, another conversation followed that was much more about whether or not I would fit as a part of their team. The answer was a resounding yes from me and her, and I found myself applying for a job that I would not have quailified for on paper. But through networking, they saw my potential and skills and agreed that I could be a good Meeting Planner given the training. So here I am. All that took about 4 months from the temp job to the official job offer. Whew! That was certainly a lesson in patience! But I forgot to tell you how I got the temp job that started it all - a friend was doing the job and moved. We worked for the same temp agency. They called me, looking for someone who would be interested in maybe 10 hours a week, in the mornings. It was a perfect fit for me! Little did I know at the time, what God was doing and how I would end up here, starting a job that I thought was another 3 years down the road AFTER I got an MBA.
Maybe that's why I'm so stunned and numb right now. I can hardly believe it. I know that by working for a large corporation, I am giving up a lot of the flexibility working for a small business gave me. I also expect some difficulty learning the ropes, getting used to a new boss and new co-workers and more hours. But it is still what I know I am gifted to do. Plus there's much room for promotion and movement.
I'm just so blessed. Now we can pay off some bills we've been "ignoring" and maybe when my daughter says her jeans are too tight, or my son says his shoes have holes, I won't cringe anymore.
So I am praising God, who has good plans for me, plans for a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 What a great God we serve!

Exercise and Parenting

Ok so, It's only 10:30am and I've already had a busy morning! This morning my daughter tells me that a boy in school tapped her on the butt in the hallway. This is the same boy that has been bullying my son. They are both in 6th grade, which is Middle School around here. So, after dropping them all off at school, I marched into the office and asked to talk to the counselor. After telling her what I'm being told, she thought it best that we go see the Assistant Principal and tell him. He assured me that he would address both issues right away. Said he knows the bullying boy and his parents and would speak to all of them. I warned him that my daughter may have been mistaken and futher investigation was needed, which he said he and the female counselor would talk to her about to see exactly what happened. I just hate that my kids, and others, get targeted. I have great kids, notice I did not say perfect kids, but they are obedient, try to get good grades, they are good friends to others and kind. I guess that makes them easy targets. I've known about this boy bullying my son for awhile and his father and I have been trying to encourage him to be assertive (not mean) and tell the boy to stop. I've been holding back going to the school on his behalf to give him the opportunity to handle this himself. Knowing that his Dad and I will step in if needed. Well, after my daughter's claim this morning, I decided it was time to step in. I used to tell my kids that if they just ignore a bully, he or she would move on because they aren't getting a reaction from you. But it seems that isn't the best advice anymore. Now they just become easy targets. So now they must be assertive. But first, they have to believe that they really aren't a sissy or geek, or whatever label the other kids throw on them. They have to see that they are valuable and have worth and simply do not have to accept that treatment. My daughter learned this last year, and has become quite outspoken when necessary, but my son still struggles with this idea of confrontation. In "Raising a Modern Day Knight" the definition of manhood is one who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and works for the greater reward - God's reward. So armed with this definition, my husband and I have been teaching our boys this concept bit by bit. My son needs to first of all reject passivity, not allow this boy to just bully him (he's hitting him on the back and calling him names and using a mocking tone of voice), he needs to speak up and tell the boy to stop and what will happen if he doesn't (report him as a bully to the teacher or administrators). Then he needs to accept responsibility and follow up with what he said he would do. Actually report him. Also, we've warned him that this change in behavior will not go without a challenge from the bully. He's gotten away with it up till now, surely my son isn't really serious. So he must be willing to accept responsibility for the action he is taking of standing up to that bully.

I so wish I could infuse my son with my courage to make up for the courage he doesn't feel he has right now. I feel that protective "mama bear" come out of me and I want to go find that bully, tower over him, and give him a piece of my mind. But of course, that would cause many problems and wouldn't be the right thing to do. So, as my son struggles with confronting problems and problematic people in his life, I just want him to know that his father and I "have his back" and are here to listen and encourage and offer advice. Meanwhile, I'll try to calm myself and lift him up in prayer.

I titled this post Exercise and Parenting. I'm out of order, I started with the parenting first..... I've been dieting and exercising for the past month and have lost between 5-7 pounds depending on when I step on the scale. I'm happy with that progress but I want it to go sooooo much faster! My weight hasn't changed for the past 2 weeks. So, I guess I need to step up the exercise and eat more salads. I really want to find a happy medium tho. I don't want to eat meat and veggies all the time, I want to eat breads (whole grain of course) and pastas and all those things, and I want to enjoy working out. Sometimes I do. I like Yoga Classes, I liked playing soccer with my youngest son, I like walking around the neighborhood. Today I did curcuit training which I haven't done in awhile and tonight I plan to squeeze in a Yoga class between work and CubScouts. I just want to see more progress. In the past I've kept motivated for about 6 weeks then peetered out. I'm approaching that and I'm trying to keep myself going. I wanted to have the weight lost by Christmas. But If I don't at least lose a pound a week, I'm not going to make it. So, that's me venting about that.

All in all, I have to say that I and my family are blessed. I know we have problems and trials like everyone else, but Praise God I have a God to run to who gives me comfort, peace, and wisdom!

Starting Out

I guess there's a first for everything, today is my first day to try blogging. I've gotten addicted to reading friend's blogs. I love keeping up and seeing pictures and generally being nosy. I've also been addicted to facebook, but couldn't express any thoughts there, so here I am.
First, about me...
I am 30-something, living in Batesville, IN with my husband and 3 children that are 12, 11, and 7. Our "home" is Cincinnati, but in a recent move from Atlanta, we decided that Batesville was the place to be. It's only 45 minutes from Cincinnati so we can still get home to see friends and family. Batesville is home to my husband's new company - Hill-Rom. We've just celebrated one year in our new home. We like it here, but it's hard sometimes to not "be" from here, since it's a small community full of people who've known each other since birth. We have a great church family at Batesville Vineyard Community Church and we are settling in nicely. For the last 20 days I've been "fasting" watching TV. I've got 20 days to go yet. I wanted to clear my mind of junk, get back into God's Word and get back to exercising and spending time with my family. TV just sucks the life right out of you. I hear recently that for people age 60 and over, if they watch a lot of TV, they actually get Alzheimers faster because their brains aren't getting exercised! No neurons are moving, so the brain, like other parts of our bodies if unused, slows and becomes less useable. I've also been reading a lot lately which is one of my favorite things to do.
So these are the things on my mind lately......
My daughter is turning 13 in a few short months and I really want to make it special for her. I have been reading "Raising a Modern Day Knight" and really learning a lot about the definition of manhood and how to teach that to my two boys as they grow. So what is the definition of true womanhood? I think a study of Proverbs 31 is in need here. I do know that I want to have women she's close to in her life write her letters about the wisdom they have gained on their journey's to becoming women and I want to give her a purity ring and, if I can afford it, take her to a special place, like the beach. It's all still taking shape in my mind.
The other thing on my mind is busyness. We are all so busy. Kid's activities, church, work, community volunteering. There are so many good things to do, and it's very easy to get caught up in doing everything only to realize that there isn't one open night on the calendar! We are trying as a family to keep Wednesdays clear and off limits of activities. It's very tempting to fill that night too though. I look at my weekends and there are back to back activities every weekend. I want to have some friends over just to make S'mores around the fire pit and finding a time to do that that works with my schedule AND there's is quite a feat! Why are we all so busy? Why can't we say no and keep our priorities in line? Shouldn't God and Family come first? What will matter when we leave this earth? The relationships we had invested in, certainly. So am I really investing in the relationships?
So there, that's what's on my mind today!
I hope you stop back once in awhile to read my blog and feel free to talk back to me!